Tag Archives: Self Help

Resentment – any benefit?

Resentment

Something for nothing?

Time for another look at some of the things that getting a bug free mind can help with.

Those of you who know me will be aware that a while ago a friend of mine, Rebecca, was kind enough to introduce me to a set of books that have literally changed the way I see things in terms of how much control we have over our existence.

A Big Claim

That may sound like a big claim and it is, it also happens to be true. Things changed for me that day and they are still changing now.

Change?

Some people are afraid of change and that can be something that holds them back big time! My thoughts on that are, be open minded and don’t judge, just observe. Remember, Judgment is weakness, observation is power.

Who is Andy Shaw?

The guy who wrote the books is called Andy Shaw and I have had the pleasure of spending some time with him face-to-face without any distractions, really getting to the bottom of this process and understanding how it works.

I am on my sixth read through of the first book of the series, Creating a Bug Free Mind, and, as Andy says, there are things that you read on later read throughs that you never heard the first, second or subsequent times through. That is how powerful your ego is at trying to hold you back.

What is your Ego and How do you relate to it?

One of the big things I have discovered going through this process is that your ego is actually trying to hold you back. You don’t necessarily know this at all right now and you may not even recognise that it could be an issue for you, just go with it for now and don’t judge.

Your ego can be that doubting voice your hear in your head whenever you think about doing something maybe slightly different to normal. Something that might actually be good for you but is just a bit different, or may be very different!

Anyway, if you want to find out more about the bug free mind process you can check this page out. Andy has various offers on from time to time for people who are interested in taking control of their lives and making a difference for themselves and their families and friends.

Back to the reason for this post…

Not sure where all that came from as I was really going to write about resentment today.

The other day I had the pleasure of talking to a friend who I met on one of the days that I spent with Andy Shaw. She is someone else who is becoming bug free. We were talking about the thought that it isn’t always an easy process, that is, unless you decide it is going to be. (That is something that you can learn, things don’t have to be hard or difficult in this life if you choose for them not to be. That’s a bit deep maybe, stick with it though, it will  pay dividends!)

I mentioned that I was on another read through and that I had just read chapter 12 again, ‘Now That’s Painful’, and that there is someone I know who could really do with understanding the point made in this chapter. This is someone who appears to have difficulties letting go of things. She is a very giving person and yet it appears thinks she has very little worth; she is the one who always remembers anniversaries and birthdays and things like that. This also doesn’t take into account all the time she gives to people and organisations that she supports.

“You must write about this…”

My friend encouraged my to write about this subject during our conversation. It has been lovely when people have let me know that the things that have been written here have helped them. The love that is flowing because of this website and the interactions on it, and because of it, is wonderful. To know that together we are helping is all that matters really. That after all, is why I do this, to help people.

Pain?

Andy asks the question, do you think you are adding to your pain? He then asks how we answered. He takes us through how living in the present while choosing to understand how our life is created by us or our ego (consciously or unconsciously) and how this effects things for us. This, if we choose to understand it, is something that we can control.

What is the point in talking about resentment?

The point I would like to get across here is that resentment is one of those things, like fear and worry, that we have a choice about and it can greatly benefit us if we learn to let go of it.

After all, what is the benefit of hanging on to resentment? It only perpetuates the pain, where is the benefit in that?

Second point – a new one on me!

Now, the second point is this, and I have only just understood this for myself.

There are two ways we can ‘deal’ with resentment, firstly we can push it away. That is hide it, put it in a box somewhere in our mind and lock the box and pretend it isn’t there.

What we don’t know is that its presence is still being felt by us even if we don’t think it can be, now that we have locked it away. It continues to burrow away even if we don’t realise it. And this may be something that you recognise – suddenly the old resentment escapes from the box and it is there, full on again, creating pain in our lives.

Yes, I realised this time through that I did indeed have resentment that I had hidden, now for the powerful bit…

Powerful bit!

The second way we can deal with resentment is, knowing that it has no benefit for us, look at is closely and shine the light of understanding on it. It will then dissolve itself.

Once it has dissolved it is gone forever, it cannot return.

First time?

If you have never done this before it may seem strange and you might think it will be difficult. It doesn’t have to be.

Andy advises, and I concur, don’t fight it, just relax. Go with it slowly and see resentment for what it is, worthless. Start small if you need to and work up to the bigger resentments when you are ready. Starting small lets you practise and build up your emotional strength.

Realisation

Once you realise that things you resent are not as big as you thought they were, you will be able to move forward and let them go, after all they don’t hold any value for you.

I trust that this information has been useful and, if you are in need of dumping some resentment, then it will have helped.

Best wishes

Alastair

Unconcious People

Unconscious – Not Present

Not as, ‘in a coma’!

I mentioned this on the Home page of this blog.

(Post publishing note: this is a very long post, you may need to persevere and read it a few times to get it, don’t let your ego stop you!)

If you find yourself in a situation where someone is behaving strangely or unreasonably (in your opinion) towards things you are saying or doing, remember that they may not be in control of how they appear to be choosing to react. In fact it might be worse than that.

Are they conscious?

If they are ‘unconscious’ then it is not actually them that is responding, but their ego. In any event you don’t have to be offended or hurt by their comments or behaviour, as it is not the person themselves that are doing what they are doing, but their ego.

Your job then, if there be such a thing, is to resist the temptation to react and to in fact shine the light by not reacting. Serenity comes when you exchange expectation for acceptance. (Can’t remember who said that, so if you know please comment below and I will attribute it correctly.)

Who can you change?

Remember, there is only one person you can change, yourself, you cannot change anyone else. This is not a holier than thou statement, it is just a fact that it is very useful to remember. We all forget it from time to time and, however much we would like someone to change, especially as we may believe it would be in their best interest to do so, we cannot make them. In fact we shouldn’t even try. Trying may just make matters worse and end up causing more pain than just leaving someone to figure something out on their own. After all, that is what they are going to have to do anyway.

Set your intention on serenity and this will help enable you to accept what is and to know that ‘What is, is’, that is the power of acceptance. Once you do that the ego driven behaviour of others can no longer touch you.

Don’t be tempted to answer back or give them the impression you are above them, as none of us is above any other, we are simply ourselves living our own truths. If the other person cannot accept that, at this point in their journey, and you don’t want to get involved in that kind of discussion right now, then don’t say anything at all. If they carry on pushing you could then tell them kindly that you don’t have anything to add to the conversation at this time and walk away.

Keep cool!

Above all keep cool. Nothing can be gained from trying to score points. Looking deeper, and depending on what your truth is, you may agree that in fact we are all connected anyway and so in showing love towards the person in question, even covertly if you feel it right to do so, will be enough to start the healing process.

Fact

The most important thing to remember is that you and you alone are responsible for how you feel about anything. If you choose to be happy about a situation, you can be. Again, that isn’t a holier than thou statement, it is just a fact.

That doesn’t mean that we don’t feel sad about things when sad things happen, it is  the case however, that when an event occurs that makes us sad or unhappy, we have the choice of how we view that event. If, and only if, we are able to take control of our minds and not let our ego dictate our reaction, can we make the decision to choose how we wish to feel, and, if we choose to, choose to be happy.

Of course, someone may be in such a place right now (normally where there ego is still in control) that means they cannot see, or at least they currently cannot see, that they even have that choice. It may even be that their conscious mind knows that they have the choice but their ego is preventing them making the connection.

Feeling under attack?

So, if you feel that you are being attacked verbally or emotionally, take a deep breath and say to yourself, ‘I choose to be happy now’. Those six words are very powerful. Your ego will probably be telling you right now that it is not as simple at that. Of course that is what it is saying, it has a vested interest in making you think that. It wants to keep control and if it thinks you are about to start taking away its control that is exactly what it is going to make you think.

Taking back control

There are ways to take back control of your mind much more quickly than most people would have you believe. I can say this from personal experience.

Don’t get me wrong…

I am not saying I am perfect or different from you, please don’t think that, for I am not. I am just like you. But one thing I may be able to do that you may not, is to choose to calm my mind and reset my emotions in a way that allows me to choose to be happy in a situation, or after a situation has arisen, where you may not, yet.

Still getting it wrong

I can’t always do this quickly enough to stop those ego driven reflex action comments leaving my mouth that manage to escape before I get control though. These comments may then be received by others in a way that allows their ego to make them choose to be something other than happy. (Let us not forget that those comments are coming from the ego of the other person and are therefore not to be taken as coming from the true person within. Because, let’s face it, if we are truly present and our intention is always from the highest thought, that thought of love and of helping people, then why would we say anything to cause offence or unhappiness in or to another human being, or any other being come to that?)

Look deeper

If you look to your feelings, and can get past any egoic reaction, you will know in your heart that you would only wish the best for others. If it is true for you then it is true for them. The only thing that gets in the way is our egos. Control your ego and you are on the path to being a better human being. For isn’t it better to be loving and caring towards others?

Wow, that went to places I didn’t expect it to!!!! Thank you to those who are helping me to grow and enabling me to share these thoughts with you in this way.

What are your experiences of this kind of thing?

Whether you agree or disagree I would love to hear from you. Comment below if you would like to join the conversation (write ‘private’ in the top of the comment if you would rather it was not published here and then include an email address if you would like me to get back to you).

If you would like to learn more about how you can take back control and start to bring abut change in your life much more quickly than you may think possible, then take a look at this.

Best wishes

Alastair

 

Learn from Your Children

That time has come!

No one has a monopoly on good ideas

Recently I had one of those experiences where one of your children, if you have been blessed with any, or it could just be someone younger than you, if you haven’t,  shows you that you may not have done something as well as you could have.

This is not a negative thing, just one of those things that, when you look back, you can see that there was something else you could have done at the time that would have moved the situation forward more than you managed to, thanks Joe. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart!

Remember that to move forward on our journeys we need to make mistakes. The most important thing we must all remember though is that when making mistakes we are learning. What ever happens is always for the best anyway.

If we have a situation we need to deal with or a decision to make, remember that if we are wrong then we have learnt something and we win, if we were right then we win big, in either case we win.

You cannot ‘fail’ in life. You will get to the end, that is for certain. The question is, will you make the most of it? You will have to live every day until you get to the end, enjoy it. If you are not in a good place right now, decide that you have changed and that you now are, everything else WILL follow. If you don’t believe me take a look at this and let me know what you think! Don’t judge remember, just observe, that is one of the most important things in life to remember. Judgement is weakness, observation is power.

What you will see is an introduction to something that really helped me on my journey, take a look, you never know, maybe you were meant to read this and now is the time to act.

My thoughts and best wishes go with you.

Alastair

 

Time for a Baggage Clear Out?

Who Needs Baggage?

Where to Start… My take on Chapter 4 of ABFM, Lightening the Load

Worry Free

Choose to be happy now, it really is your choice.

Below are some of my thoughts on the process of getting to be Bug Free! I urge you to visit A Bug Free Mind and read the first five chapters free. It really will change your life, it did for me!

I can only touch the surface here, follow the books and you will really know what it is to be truly happy and worry free.

You probably don’t ‘believe’ it is possible to be worry free. After all, that’s not possible is it? Well, you really can choose to be worry free. I have, is it time that you did too? It is the greatest gift I have ever been given!

Why Worry?

In order to clear out the baggage you first need to get control of your mind. If you don’t then the junk just keeps coming back.

What does that mean? It means that if you are sitting in a quiet room and your mind is full of thoughts and you can’t control them, you are not in control.

I wrote something on this here. Once you get control then it’s time to get rid of some of that baggage, after all, why would you want to be carrying it around?

There are things in life that are very traumatic and they can be very destructive if they are not dealt with. There are things that you probably look back on and wish they hadn’t happened. And what of the future, do you worry about that? Most people do it has to be said.

Can you change the past?

If something happened in the past there is nothing you can do about it, NOTHING. It happened, it just is. As it ‘just is’ what is the point in worrying about it now? What possible benefit can there be? There is just NOW.

Let the sun set on your past... it is not relevant to today except as a lesson that has been learnt.

Let the sun set on your past… it is not relevant to today except as a lesson that has been learnt.

So are you ready to take back control? How did you end up reading this? Is the time right for you to put some stuff behind you and move on.

If you are in that place right now I would love you to know that we are all rooting for you, you can move forward, you can take control. I know, I have.

That doesn’t mean I have everything sorted by the way, we are all on a journey, I am on the same journey as you. What I do know is that I am always moving forward and living in the moment. We never ‘know’ everything there is to know in this life…if we did, where would be the fun in that?

Remember, there is only one person you can change and that is YOU.

I am going to re-quote the saying Julie told me that is on the home page of this site, Anger (or bitterness or resentment) is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

Banish anger, bitterness and resentment from your life and feel the load lighten immediately. Whoever you have that resentment towards probably doesn’t even realise (or care) that you feel that way anyway. So what use is there in hanging on to it?

(In writing this I have actually just realised that I was holding on to some resentment that has no place in my life. Thank you to you if your situation encouraged me to write this as you have actually helped me. In helping me you will have helped yourself.)

So, to all of those who desire to move forward and start putting anger, resentment and bitterness behind them, I wish you the very best with all my heart.

Best wishes

Alastair

Do ‘you’ have any fears?

 

Feeling Helpless?

Feeling Helpless?

Of all the liars in the world, sometimes the worst are your own fears.

Rudyard Kipling said that and he was right.

We don’t have to fear anything is we can only realise that fear is just an illusion.

The Bug Free response is:

False

Emotions

Appearing

Real

Look into your fears and see them for what they really are, lies told to you by your ego. You are in control and can deal with anything. You just need to ‘know’ that you can.

Have a great holiday weekend without any fear everyone.

Best wishes

Alastair

Serenity

 

Hi

Just heard this in chapter ten, as I am on another listen through, it is so true that you pick up something new every time you listen, must be to do with the more control we get over that ego the more present we are!

 

Serenity comes when you trade expectation for acceptance.

How true is that? It is as true for you as it is (if you see what I mean!).

Any thoughts on that one, let me know…

Best wishes

Alastair

Good Day or Bad Day – it’s Your Choice…

Do you have good and bad days?

Better question:

  • Who decides whether you have a good day or not?

Is it luck…. or fate?

I think it was one of the terminator films with Arnold Schwartzenegger in it that had the quote, ‘There is no fate but what we make.’

How true do you know that statement to be? If you know it to be true, it will be true; it really is as simple as that.

Who is in Control?

Red sky in the morning...?

Red sky in the morning…?

You may be thinking that there is no way you can get out of a bad situation or effect the outcome of your life. Be assured there is and it’s not as difficult as you may think!

We are all creating in our lives, all the time. It just depends on if you are creating positive or negative things.

I recently went on the first Life Design Getaway and that is exactly what we learnt. I even saw things in my past that I had designed on purpose but I didn’t realise I was doing it. How cool is that! I will write up the day we had in the near future so that you can see exactly how good it really is when you find out exactly what you need to do to transform your life. My designs are already coming true!

Is your glass half full or half empty? It can be full if you desire it to be!

Is your glass half full or half empty? It can be full if you desire it to be!

Andy Shaw spent a long time during and after a meltdown in his business life finding out what had changed from the days when everything he touched turned to gold. By looking in depth into the self improvement and self help arena he found out how to use the power that is within all of us to influence things around us. He decided to write a book to share what he discovered. In fact he wrote two, one would just not have been right!

Having met Andy and spent some time late at night in the bar with him, I can tell you that he is a really nice guy who genuinely wants to help the world by enabling people to fulfil their potential.

It has made a big difference to how I ‘run’ my life and means that I no longer have any anxiety, fear or worry. Things from the past no longer have a hold over me and I have an armoury of techniques ready to deal with the times when my ego tries to take control back. (Not sure what your ego is trying to do, see more here.)

To get a taste of what it is like to have a bug free mind and get signed up for a free Starter Kit.

Remember:

  • What is, is, the past has no hold over you unless you let it.
  • You can choose to be happy right now.
  • You can choose to take control of your life today.
  • Always find the positive in everything you do and say.

More on this kind of thing in my Reflections on Peace

If you have any questions about this or any other topics on this website I would welcome them. Likewise, if you have comments that would help those who may be reading this then please also leave those, you may know that when you give to the universe, you receive back with interest, God knows its true!

Best wishes to you all…

Alastair

Feel From the Heart

Beware of Thoughts Being Mistaken for Feelings

DSC02560Is that a bit deep?

When you are not sure which way to turn listen to your heart. Work at being able to do this.

Be silent with yourself and ignore your mind and listen to your heart for the feelings that will tell you exactly what you should do in a situation.

If you get an answer from your mind make sure it coincides with the one that your heart gives you, then you will know it is the right one to follow.

Your heart is the root of your wisdom, your mind only knows the past and will try and hold you back.

Not sure why I had to write this today, maybe you do?

To your knowing your hearts desire.

Alastair

Too Many Thoughts?

Lots Going on in Your Head?

Is it noisy in there?

Sometimes when going through life, and even when moving around doing day-to-day stuff, let alone when sitting still, there are times when our thoughts can crowd in on us and make things hard work!

DSC01883

Find out if you have a crowded mind… Think of the best thing that has ever happened to you and then close your eyes and try to just think about that one thing. As you are thinking about it concentrate hard.

How long did you manage? Sometimes it might be as little as 2-3 seconds.

It doesn’t have to be like that. That is your ego trying to hold you back. You can take control if desire to.

One of the things that Andy Shaw guides you through in Creating a Bug Free Mind Chapter 2 is a technique on exactly how you can practise taking control of your mind. This is the first and most important step in taking back control so that you don’t have those thoughts crowding in.

I can tell you from personal experience that I used to have thoughts coming in all the time. Now I can choose to let those thoughts into my mind or not as I please. Until you experience the power of doing this it is hard to imagine what effect it has on you. Serenity and peace are the two words I would use I think.DSC00587

If you would like to know more then feel free to comment below and if you have advice for those with crowded minds then also get in touch.

To peace if you desire it…

Alastair