Tag Archives: Love

Unconditional Love and Anger

What Anger?

The other day I was speaking to someone who was having issues with negativity. I have written on this before, check out this page, however, there is something that came out in the conversation that I thought I would share.

Unconditional Love – a Cure for Anger?

If I am present, that is, aware of what is going on and not just running on automatic, as we sometimes can be, and I experience negativity that could lead to anger I remember that there is something I can do.

I can remember that if I approach every situation from the view point of unconditional love, then there is no room for anger. Do you realise how powerful that is?

So, next time you feel your ‘gander’ rising, become present and remember that you are the one who chooses how you feel and if you choose to react from that place within us that is unconditional love, then you can let the negativity go straight through you and have no effect  on you.

Just one last thing, if you know that you have reacted to negativity badly then put it right as soon as you can, don’t let it fester. Remember that resentment is very damaging. Lots on Resentment here.

If you find yourself experiencing the same negative things repeatedly have a look here.

Give yourself freedom to feel love and peace, it is yours for the taking.

Best wishes

Alastair

Resentment – any benefit?

Resentment

Something for nothing?

Time for another look at some of the things that getting a bug free mind can help with.

Those of you who know me will be aware that a while ago a friend of mine, Rebecca, was kind enough to introduce me to a set of books that have literally changed the way I see things in terms of how much control we have over our existence.

A Big Claim

That may sound like a big claim and it is, it also happens to be true. Things changed for me that day and they are still changing now.

Change?

Some people are afraid of change and that can be something that holds them back big time! My thoughts on that are, be open minded and don’t judge, just observe. Remember, Judgment is weakness, observation is power.

Who is Andy Shaw?

The guy who wrote the books is called Andy Shaw and I have had the pleasure of spending some time with him face-to-face without any distractions, really getting to the bottom of this process and understanding how it works.

I am on my sixth read through of the first book of the series, Creating a Bug Free Mind, and, as Andy says, there are things that you read on later read throughs that you never heard the first, second or subsequent times through. That is how powerful your ego is at trying to hold you back.

What is your Ego and How do you relate to it?

One of the big things I have discovered going through this process is that your ego is actually trying to hold you back. You don’t necessarily know this at all right now and you may not even recognise that it could be an issue for you, just go with it for now and don’t judge.

Your ego can be that doubting voice your hear in your head whenever you think about doing something maybe slightly different to normal. Something that might actually be good for you but is just a bit different, or may be very different!

Anyway, if you want to find out more about the bug free mind process you can check this page out. Andy has various offers on from time to time for people who are interested in taking control of their lives and making a difference for themselves and their families and friends.

Back to the reason for this post…

Not sure where all that came from as I was really going to write about resentment today.

The other day I had the pleasure of talking to a friend who I met on one of the days that I spent with Andy Shaw. She is someone else who is becoming bug free. We were talking about the thought that it isn’t always an easy process, that is, unless you decide it is going to be. (That is something that you can learn, things don’t have to be hard or difficult in this life if you choose for them not to be. That’s a bit deep maybe, stick with it though, it will  pay dividends!)

I mentioned that I was on another read through and that I had just read chapter 12 again, ‘Now That’s Painful’, and that there is someone I know who could really do with understanding the point made in this chapter. This is someone who appears to have difficulties letting go of things. She is a very giving person and yet it appears thinks she has very little worth; she is the one who always remembers anniversaries and birthdays and things like that. This also doesn’t take into account all the time she gives to people and organisations that she supports.

“You must write about this…”

My friend encouraged my to write about this subject during our conversation. It has been lovely when people have let me know that the things that have been written here have helped them. The love that is flowing because of this website and the interactions on it, and because of it, is wonderful. To know that together we are helping is all that matters really. That after all, is why I do this, to help people.

Pain?

Andy asks the question, do you think you are adding to your pain? He then asks how we answered. He takes us through how living in the present while choosing to understand how our life is created by us or our ego (consciously or unconsciously) and how this effects things for us. This, if we choose to understand it, is something that we can control.

What is the point in talking about resentment?

The point I would like to get across here is that resentment is one of those things, like fear and worry, that we have a choice about and it can greatly benefit us if we learn to let go of it.

After all, what is the benefit of hanging on to resentment? It only perpetuates the pain, where is the benefit in that?

Second point – a new one on me!

Now, the second point is this, and I have only just understood this for myself.

There are two ways we can ‘deal’ with resentment, firstly we can push it away. That is hide it, put it in a box somewhere in our mind and lock the box and pretend it isn’t there.

What we don’t know is that its presence is still being felt by us even if we don’t think it can be, now that we have locked it away. It continues to burrow away even if we don’t realise it. And this may be something that you recognise – suddenly the old resentment escapes from the box and it is there, full on again, creating pain in our lives.

Yes, I realised this time through that I did indeed have resentment that I had hidden, now for the powerful bit…

Powerful bit!

The second way we can deal with resentment is, knowing that it has no benefit for us, look at is closely and shine the light of understanding on it. It will then dissolve itself.

Once it has dissolved it is gone forever, it cannot return.

First time?

If you have never done this before it may seem strange and you might think it will be difficult. It doesn’t have to be.

Andy advises, and I concur, don’t fight it, just relax. Go with it slowly and see resentment for what it is, worthless. Start small if you need to and work up to the bigger resentments when you are ready. Starting small lets you practise and build up your emotional strength.

Realisation

Once you realise that things you resent are not as big as you thought they were, you will be able to move forward and let them go, after all they don’t hold any value for you.

I trust that this information has been useful and, if you are in need of dumping some resentment, then it will have helped.

Best wishes

Alastair

Unconcious People

Unconscious – Not Present

Not as, ‘in a coma’!

I mentioned this on the Home page of this blog.

(Post publishing note: this is a very long post, you may need to persevere and read it a few times to get it, don’t let your ego stop you!)

If you find yourself in a situation where someone is behaving strangely or unreasonably (in your opinion) towards things you are saying or doing, remember that they may not be in control of how they appear to be choosing to react. In fact it might be worse than that.

Are they conscious?

If they are ‘unconscious’ then it is not actually them that is responding, but their ego. In any event you don’t have to be offended or hurt by their comments or behaviour, as it is not the person themselves that are doing what they are doing, but their ego.

Your job then, if there be such a thing, is to resist the temptation to react and to in fact shine the light by not reacting. Serenity comes when you exchange expectation for acceptance. (Can’t remember who said that, so if you know please comment below and I will attribute it correctly.)

Who can you change?

Remember, there is only one person you can change, yourself, you cannot change anyone else. This is not a holier than thou statement, it is just a fact that it is very useful to remember. We all forget it from time to time and, however much we would like someone to change, especially as we may believe it would be in their best interest to do so, we cannot make them. In fact we shouldn’t even try. Trying may just make matters worse and end up causing more pain than just leaving someone to figure something out on their own. After all, that is what they are going to have to do anyway.

Set your intention on serenity and this will help enable you to accept what is and to know that ‘What is, is’, that is the power of acceptance. Once you do that the ego driven behaviour of others can no longer touch you.

Don’t be tempted to answer back or give them the impression you are above them, as none of us is above any other, we are simply ourselves living our own truths. If the other person cannot accept that, at this point in their journey, and you don’t want to get involved in that kind of discussion right now, then don’t say anything at all. If they carry on pushing you could then tell them kindly that you don’t have anything to add to the conversation at this time and walk away.

Keep cool!

Above all keep cool. Nothing can be gained from trying to score points. Looking deeper, and depending on what your truth is, you may agree that in fact we are all connected anyway and so in showing love towards the person in question, even covertly if you feel it right to do so, will be enough to start the healing process.

Fact

The most important thing to remember is that you and you alone are responsible for how you feel about anything. If you choose to be happy about a situation, you can be. Again, that isn’t a holier than thou statement, it is just a fact.

That doesn’t mean that we don’t feel sad about things when sad things happen, it is  the case however, that when an event occurs that makes us sad or unhappy, we have the choice of how we view that event. If, and only if, we are able to take control of our minds and not let our ego dictate our reaction, can we make the decision to choose how we wish to feel, and, if we choose to, choose to be happy.

Of course, someone may be in such a place right now (normally where there ego is still in control) that means they cannot see, or at least they currently cannot see, that they even have that choice. It may even be that their conscious mind knows that they have the choice but their ego is preventing them making the connection.

Feeling under attack?

So, if you feel that you are being attacked verbally or emotionally, take a deep breath and say to yourself, ‘I choose to be happy now’. Those six words are very powerful. Your ego will probably be telling you right now that it is not as simple at that. Of course that is what it is saying, it has a vested interest in making you think that. It wants to keep control and if it thinks you are about to start taking away its control that is exactly what it is going to make you think.

Taking back control

There are ways to take back control of your mind much more quickly than most people would have you believe. I can say this from personal experience.

Don’t get me wrong…

I am not saying I am perfect or different from you, please don’t think that, for I am not. I am just like you. But one thing I may be able to do that you may not, is to choose to calm my mind and reset my emotions in a way that allows me to choose to be happy in a situation, or after a situation has arisen, where you may not, yet.

Still getting it wrong

I can’t always do this quickly enough to stop those ego driven reflex action comments leaving my mouth that manage to escape before I get control though. These comments may then be received by others in a way that allows their ego to make them choose to be something other than happy. (Let us not forget that those comments are coming from the ego of the other person and are therefore not to be taken as coming from the true person within. Because, let’s face it, if we are truly present and our intention is always from the highest thought, that thought of love and of helping people, then why would we say anything to cause offence or unhappiness in or to another human being, or any other being come to that?)

Look deeper

If you look to your feelings, and can get past any egoic reaction, you will know in your heart that you would only wish the best for others. If it is true for you then it is true for them. The only thing that gets in the way is our egos. Control your ego and you are on the path to being a better human being. For isn’t it better to be loving and caring towards others?

Wow, that went to places I didn’t expect it to!!!! Thank you to those who are helping me to grow and enabling me to share these thoughts with you in this way.

What are your experiences of this kind of thing?

Whether you agree or disagree I would love to hear from you. Comment below if you would like to join the conversation (write ‘private’ in the top of the comment if you would rather it was not published here and then include an email address if you would like me to get back to you).

If you would like to learn more about how you can take back control and start to bring abut change in your life much more quickly than you may think possible, then take a look at this.

Best wishes

Alastair