Tag Archives: Happiness

Don’t Follow the Dog!

What dog?

A few years ago I watched a video of that exponent of the power of now, Ekhart Tolle. He realised just how powerful NOW is, so much so that he wrote a book with that title, The Power of Now.

The main point is – there….is….only….NOW.

Think about that for a second.

In fact what is a second?

It is really just a moment in time, one sixtieth of a minute, and, as it was passing did you notice that, oops, it’s still now?

So if now is all there is, what does that make the past and the future?

Well my understanding is that the past is just there for us to learn from. It is NOT to haunt us and make us feel bad.

The Future

The future is just that, the future, and when it arrives it will also be now! Can you remember the film that has the quote “There is no fate but what we make?” Even if you haven’t been told that that is how it is, maybe it is time that you thought about that.

The Past

If something is in the past we can’t change it. So why do we beat ourselves up about those things?

Someone once said something like, if something is annoying you and you can change it, then do so. If you can’t change it then change your attitude.

Notice that in both cases you made the choice to change, nobody else. The issue here, as ever, is that choice is the problem and the solution. Now you know you have a choice you can start to make one that suits you.

When you accept that the past cannot be changed, and does not have a hold over you, you free yourself from that burden and can move forward.

So move forward with love, leaving those things that have troubled you in the past, the lessons having been learnt.

Best wishes and feel free to comment to start a conversation. Share your experiences here as well to help others.

Alastair

PS – Oh yes, the dog! Well the dog was mentioned in the video. Ekhart was talking about the way that when we take the time to be quiet, some times we have thoughts that crowd in on our peace and contentment. I have written about too many thoughts going around in our heads but the dog didn’t figure!

It is possible to build our mental muscles to enable us to control these thoughts and get back control of those thoughts. It is the peace that having a quiet mind brings that is the end game here.

Picture yourself sitting on a park bench looking out across a path just watching the world go by. Here comes the dog. The dog is like a thought that pops into your head. Your choice is whether you get up off the bench and follow the dog as it walks by or if you sit still and let the dog walk away and release that thought and don’t follow it.

If you choose to let those thoughts go then you you can experience peace.

I trust that you will find that peace if it is your desire to do so.

More Reflections on Peace here.

Resentment – any benefit?

Resentment

Something for nothing?

Time for another look at some of the things that getting a bug free mind can help with.

Those of you who know me will be aware that a while ago a friend of mine, Rebecca, was kind enough to introduce me to a set of books that have literally changed the way I see things in terms of how much control we have over our existence.

A Big Claim

That may sound like a big claim and it is, it also happens to be true. Things changed for me that day and they are still changing now.

Change?

Some people are afraid of change and that can be something that holds them back big time! My thoughts on that are, be open minded and don’t judge, just observe. Remember, Judgment is weakness, observation is power.

Who is Andy Shaw?

The guy who wrote the books is called Andy Shaw and I have had the pleasure of spending some time with him face-to-face without any distractions, really getting to the bottom of this process and understanding how it works.

I am on my sixth read through of the first book of the series, Creating a Bug Free Mind, and, as Andy says, there are things that you read on later read throughs that you never heard the first, second or subsequent times through. That is how powerful your ego is at trying to hold you back.

What is your Ego and How do you relate to it?

One of the big things I have discovered going through this process is that your ego is actually trying to hold you back. You don’t necessarily know this at all right now and you may not even recognise that it could be an issue for you, just go with it for now and don’t judge.

Your ego can be that doubting voice your hear in your head whenever you think about doing something maybe slightly different to normal. Something that might actually be good for you but is just a bit different, or may be very different!

Anyway, if you want to find out more about the bug free mind process you can check this page out. Andy has various offers on from time to time for people who are interested in taking control of their lives and making a difference for themselves and their families and friends.

Back to the reason for this post…

Not sure where all that came from as I was really going to write about resentment today.

The other day I had the pleasure of talking to a friend who I met on one of the days that I spent with Andy Shaw. She is someone else who is becoming bug free. We were talking about the thought that it isn’t always an easy process, that is, unless you decide it is going to be. (That is something that you can learn, things don’t have to be hard or difficult in this life if you choose for them not to be. That’s a bit deep maybe, stick with it though, it will  pay dividends!)

I mentioned that I was on another read through and that I had just read chapter 12 again, ‘Now That’s Painful’, and that there is someone I know who could really do with understanding the point made in this chapter. This is someone who appears to have difficulties letting go of things. She is a very giving person and yet it appears thinks she has very little worth; she is the one who always remembers anniversaries and birthdays and things like that. This also doesn’t take into account all the time she gives to people and organisations that she supports.

“You must write about this…”

My friend encouraged my to write about this subject during our conversation. It has been lovely when people have let me know that the things that have been written here have helped them. The love that is flowing because of this website and the interactions on it, and because of it, is wonderful. To know that together we are helping is all that matters really. That after all, is why I do this, to help people.

Pain?

Andy asks the question, do you think you are adding to your pain? He then asks how we answered. He takes us through how living in the present while choosing to understand how our life is created by us or our ego (consciously or unconsciously) and how this effects things for us. This, if we choose to understand it, is something that we can control.

What is the point in talking about resentment?

The point I would like to get across here is that resentment is one of those things, like fear and worry, that we have a choice about and it can greatly benefit us if we learn to let go of it.

After all, what is the benefit of hanging on to resentment? It only perpetuates the pain, where is the benefit in that?

Second point – a new one on me!

Now, the second point is this, and I have only just understood this for myself.

There are two ways we can ‘deal’ with resentment, firstly we can push it away. That is hide it, put it in a box somewhere in our mind and lock the box and pretend it isn’t there.

What we don’t know is that its presence is still being felt by us even if we don’t think it can be, now that we have locked it away. It continues to burrow away even if we don’t realise it. And this may be something that you recognise – suddenly the old resentment escapes from the box and it is there, full on again, creating pain in our lives.

Yes, I realised this time through that I did indeed have resentment that I had hidden, now for the powerful bit…

Powerful bit!

The second way we can deal with resentment is, knowing that it has no benefit for us, look at is closely and shine the light of understanding on it. It will then dissolve itself.

Once it has dissolved it is gone forever, it cannot return.

First time?

If you have never done this before it may seem strange and you might think it will be difficult. It doesn’t have to be.

Andy advises, and I concur, don’t fight it, just relax. Go with it slowly and see resentment for what it is, worthless. Start small if you need to and work up to the bigger resentments when you are ready. Starting small lets you practise and build up your emotional strength.

Realisation

Once you realise that things you resent are not as big as you thought they were, you will be able to move forward and let them go, after all they don’t hold any value for you.

I trust that this information has been useful and, if you are in need of dumping some resentment, then it will have helped.

Best wishes

Alastair

What’s the last thing you do before going to bed?

What can really help?

Sometimes  we have days that we maybe wish we hadn’t, could be for several reasons.

Remember, the things we don’t like about our lives are things that we can make choices about.

Accepting things as they are instead of expecting things to be a certain way and being happy no matter what, are two of the most important things to achieve on our road to creating the life we desire.

So what about bed time?

Go to sleep on a positive thought.

It doesn’t matter how bad a day you have had. At bed time put all that behind you and look forward.

The past is the past as soon as our next moment has started. And you really can choose how you feel about anything. The past is just there for us to learn from and…

… provide us with happy thoughts with which to raise our vibration before we go to sleep.

Choose that thought now and drift off, tomorrow is another day, make it a better one, by choice.

Thanks to a good friend for inspiring to write this.

Best wishes

Alastair

Quality Time

What is Quality Time?

Yesterday Evening

Someone once told me that, ‘Quality time, is time you can’t have again’. Not sure if it was his own maxim or a quote from someone else, but I know one thing, he was right!

The Compton Inn

The Compton Inn

Yesterday evening I was lucky enough to share a lovely meal at the Compton Inn with that very person (our wives were with us as well).

We share a meal from time to time and visit different restaurants depending on who is choosing. They are sometimes return visits and sometimes new places. Last night was a return visit.

Conversation

As we ate, the conversation moved backwards and forwards through time and space in many different directions as it is wont to do.

As we have children of similar ages they often turn up in the conversation thread. Last night was no exception, and, as most of them are having exams or have just finished them, we commiserated with each other on how we would love our children to be able to learn from our experience. I suspect this is a desire of many of those of us who are blessed with children?

I use the word ‘blessed’ there with my tongue a little in my cheek, as we all know that although children can bring enormous amounts of joy into our lives, they can also be a challenge at times.

Share your thoughts on this using the comments below if you like. If you don’t want your comment published and just wish to add something privately just say so in your comment.

Past, Present and Future

The midsts of time...

The midsts of time…

I love the way that conversation can move so quickly through time. One minute talking about something that is due to happen in the future, like holidays, and then reminiscing about times when we worked together in the distant past.

My problem is that I can talk and talk (and talk). Luckily for me, my wife and friends are very kind and, apart from the odd kick under the table from Julie, they let me prattle on and on. I do catch myself doing it sometimes and try to shut up for a bit to give others a chance, but I often slip back into talk mode inadvertently.

Ratios

There is a saying that says that, as you have two ears and one mouth, you should use them in that ratio. I have also heard it extended to, two ears, two eyes and a mouth. My long suffering friends may be thinking I should take my own council here!

So, quality time was had and we enjoyed another lovely evening. If you haven’t had an evening out with friends recently maybe now is the time to invite them out, or, if your circumstances dictate, just invite them round for chat, you don’t have to go out and spend a lot to have quality time in your life.

Some would say, me included, that actually, some of the best time spent with family and friends is when no money has been spent at all.

Plan in some quality time today! Although time is an illusion, you will run out eventually in this lifetime, why wait?

Best wishes

Alastair