Category Archives: Thoughts on Life

Just things that come into my mind when thinking of others…

Things may not appear to be what they are and do you love what you do?

Things may not appear to be what they are…

As I sit here writing this I am in front of a warm log fire and it is snowing outside. How blessed are we that can do that.

Storm

As the storm rages on outside we sit comfortably inside our bubbles of existence separated and sometimes completely unaware of those nearby who are not so fortunate.

Ben, who is just fourteen has come running downstairs on this Sunday morning excited to see that it is snowing outside. How different it would be if he was out on the street somewhere wondering where his next hot meal was going to come from?

Fire

As the fire crackles in front of me and the flames lick upwards consuming the wood, (that commodity that is one of the few things that warms you twice), I realise that the storm that rages outside means I have to turn the fire down as the strong wind is making it draw more than usual.

What other things in our lives may appear to be a storm that are actually helping us I wonder?

What are you experiencing?

What are you experiencing right now that you are seeing as a trial that actually, if you stand back a bit and take a sideways look at, could be something that you can take advantage of in a way that you haven’t considered before and that will help you instead of hinder you?

Do you love what you do?

Is what you are doing in life really what you want to do? Is the job you have, what you do to, ‘make a living’ what you love to do?

Stop

Stop and think for just a moment and you will know.

If it isn’t and let’s face it, if you love what you do, you will never do a days work in your life, you will know straight away.

Question

The question then is what are you going to do about it? Are you just going to keep doing the same things over and over and expect something to change?

That, I think it was Einstein referred to, as madness!

Sit quietly and ask yourself, what is it that I love to do and if money were not an issue I would just do as much of the time as possible?

Spend some time on this as what you first think of may only be part of the story.

What next?

What you do next is up to you. Doing what you love can make you enough or even, more than enough, money if you do it in the right way. Decide on what you are going to do and write down clearly and without ambiguity exactly what it is that you desire to do in your life and if you have a true burning desire to do that then you will achieve it.

There are processes that enable you to do this with ease. Saltori is one of them.

Would you like me to write more on this? Let me know and I will happily do so.

If you like my facebook page then you will be able to easily see what is going on easily and you can contact me there as well if you would like to.

Best wishes

Alastair

Thoughts crashing in!

Do you get thoughts crashing into your mind?

When I talk to people about getting the best out of life, one of the biggest issues that often comes up is the desire to just be able to sit quietly and chill out.

What do I mean by that?

If you manage to stop for a minute in your busy stressful day and try and relax, suddenly all the things you need to do or sort out start popping into your mind. Or it might be situations in life that upset you or things that aren’t going how you would like them to.

Do you get that?

Try sitting still for a couple of minutes and see what happens.

I used to get that, but now I don’t. I trained myself to control those thoughts so that stress, worry and anxiety are a thing of the past.

I am NOT special, I am just like you. Many of the people I have introduced Saltori Structured Thinking to have mastered this and if you can read or listen to an audio book then you can do this to!

It’s about ridding your mind of the bugs, like computer viruses, that live there.

How do I start taking back control?

The very first part of the process is to think of something in your life that you really enjoyed and just think about that and only that for 15 seconds.

Most people don’t manage more than a few seconds the first time, but with practice you will be able to do it.

Now when a thought that you don’t like pops into your head choose to think about the happy thought like you did just now.

It could be a holiday you went on, even just a good time you had with friends, anything that lifts you and enables you to choose happiness. You will be amazed at the power this gives you and it’s only the start of the process!

Try it for a while and see how you get on or get more information about the system by downloading the first five chapters free here.

I would love to hear your comments about how you get on, enter them below.

The Saltori Structured Thinking System gives you back the ability to control those thoughts and in doing so it enables you to rid your mind of the negative influence those thoughts have. It also provides an easy process for creating goals in life and then seeing them through.

There is a starter kit available or a video introduction  if you prefer.

The Wedding Speech

A Big Thank You!

How a father with only boys got to do a wedding speech

Figures on a cake

If they were in cowboy outfits that is what they would look like (check out the formula one car!)

Having only had boys I was blessed first of all by being asked to be Kerri’s godfather quite a few years ago now. What didn’t dawn on me at the time, as far as I can remember, was that this would give me the opportunity to be blessed again by being able to follow her father in addressing the happy couple when she got married.

I should have realised that this would be the case as my wife Julie’s Godfather, Uncle Jim, did an address at our wedding in August 1990!

And so, as is the tradition in our family, I had the opportunity to speak.

I have known Kerri and Gareth since long before they became an item and so it was even more special to me that I should be allowed to speak at their wedding.

I took the responsibility of the speech very seriously and wrote it over many many months starting just after they announced their engagement!

My aim was to strike a balance between god-fatherly advice, embarrassing my goddaughter and generally having a good time! (Not sure in what proportions I achieved this mind although there was definitely quite a lot of embarrassment and I really enjoyed myself, so probably not much advice! (Oh except to Gareth, but that was an altogether different type of advice shall remain between only those present on the day!))

To My Pleasant Surprise…

I had a lovely time preparing and giving the speech and was rewarded by laughter and encouragement and positive comments later when we were enjoying coffee and even later when we were dancing the night away. (We weren’t dancing on the tables though like we were here but I am sure I burned up more energy. This time though I replaced the energy from the pick and mix sweet table that Kerri and Gareth had so kindly provided!)

One thing I did for the speech was to compose a poem based along the lines of the If poem by Rudyard Kipling, but encompassing some of the things that I have learnt about how life can be enjoyed so much more if a few simple concepts are taken to heart. Some of which have come to me during my training as a life coach. Some of them are extracts of quotes from others so I am not taking credit for them directly, I simply wished to convey the concepts to Kerri and Gareth in a loving and memorable way. I trust I achieved that. (If you search online for any of them you will find out who wrote them although several are by that well known writer ‘Anon’, I think 😉 )

Several people after the reception came up to me and asked for a copy of the poem and so here it is in full (it is based on a longer list of things I use as the basis on which to live my life on my Reflections on Peace page).

 My Version of the ‘If…’ Poem…

If you always start from the perspective of unconditional love,

if you really listen when in a conversation and don’t just wait for a gap in which to speak,

if you always go to give and learn not to react on another’s behalf,

if you remember that you can only change one person, and that is yourself;

if you can remember that only you choose how you feel, so choose wisely;

and if you know that if you change the way you think about things, then the things you think about, will change;

and if you can live life without resentment, knowing that the past is the past and, apart from the lessons learnt, means nothing now,

and if you always make things right as soon as you know they are wrong,

and if you know that there is only now and that now is a gift, that is why it is called the present,

you won’t go far wrong.

Oh yes, and if you smile five times a day for no reason, just see what a difference it makes.

___

I finished the speech with heartfelt thanks that I had had the opportunity to be there and to share in their wonderful day and wished them a long and happy life together from the bottom of my heart.

Later that day I danced for more hours in a row, only stopping to take on water, than I had done in probably 25 years! The next day and to miss-quote Douglas Adams, my body felt like a military acadamy, parts of me kept passing out!

I trust that the poem above inspires you to know that you are more in control of your life than you were ever lead to believe.

With much love and best wishes

Alastair

PS – feel free to leave comments below about how you found the day if you were there or what you thought of the poem. Personal comments will not be made public so say in your comment if it for general consumption and I will honour your request.

PPS – if you would like some help understanding more about the principles mentioned in the poem, feel free to get in touch and if life coaching is something you have never considered, maybe now is the time… alastair@alastairslade.com for more details.

Don’t Follow the Dog!

What dog?

A few years ago I watched a video of that exponent of the power of now, Ekhart Tolle. He realised just how powerful NOW is, so much so that he wrote a book with that title, The Power of Now.

The main point is – there….is….only….NOW.

Think about that for a second.

In fact what is a second?

It is really just a moment in time, one sixtieth of a minute, and, as it was passing did you notice that, oops, it’s still now?

So if now is all there is, what does that make the past and the future?

Well my understanding is that the past is just there for us to learn from. It is NOT to haunt us and make us feel bad.

The Future

The future is just that, the future, and when it arrives it will also be now! Can you remember the film that has the quote “There is no fate but what we make?” Even if you haven’t been told that that is how it is, maybe it is time that you thought about that.

The Past

If something is in the past we can’t change it. So why do we beat ourselves up about those things?

Someone once said something like, if something is annoying you and you can change it, then do so. If you can’t change it then change your attitude.

Notice that in both cases you made the choice to change, nobody else. The issue here, as ever, is that choice is the problem and the solution. Now you know you have a choice you can start to make one that suits you.

When you accept that the past cannot be changed, and does not have a hold over you, you free yourself from that burden and can move forward.

So move forward with love, leaving those things that have troubled you in the past, the lessons having been learnt.

Best wishes and feel free to comment to start a conversation. Share your experiences here as well to help others.

Alastair

PS – Oh yes, the dog! Well the dog was mentioned in the video. Ekhart was talking about the way that when we take the time to be quiet, some times we have thoughts that crowd in on our peace and contentment. I have written about too many thoughts going around in our heads but the dog didn’t figure!

It is possible to build our mental muscles to enable us to control these thoughts and get back control of those thoughts. It is the peace that having a quiet mind brings that is the end game here.

Picture yourself sitting on a park bench looking out across a path just watching the world go by. Here comes the dog. The dog is like a thought that pops into your head. Your choice is whether you get up off the bench and follow the dog as it walks by or if you sit still and let the dog walk away and release that thought and don’t follow it.

If you choose to let those thoughts go then you you can experience peace.

I trust that you will find that peace if it is your desire to do so.

More Reflections on Peace here.

Things have been busy – in a good way!

Some things have to take second place

What are you thinking?

Today, after a bit of a break due to us re-branding at work and still needing to run the business (www.chronologic.co.uk), I haven’t been on here much as you can see, but here is something that caught my eye.

Neil Donald Walsh is someone that I have been introduced to who has some very interesting incites into how this reality may work. He does a thought for the day and below is one of his that I agree with totally.

Is it your experience? If not have a look at how reading this makes you feel, look at those feelings and ask yourself, if I am not in control of how I feel then who is?

Trust me, when you realise that it really is you who decides how you feel about anything, you can really start to look at life differently.

It may seem that you cannot control exterior circumstances, but you can always control interior ones.

Your internal world — the reality that you encounter within your mind and emotions — is a world that you and only you control and create.
 
How you experience everything is up to you. Your reactions need not be automatic or similar to ones you have had before.

Best wishes

Alastair

Unconditional Love and Anger

What Anger?

The other day I was speaking to someone who was having issues with negativity. I have written on this before, check out this page, however, there is something that came out in the conversation that I thought I would share.

Unconditional Love – a Cure for Anger?

If I am present, that is, aware of what is going on and not just running on automatic, as we sometimes can be, and I experience negativity that could lead to anger I remember that there is something I can do.

I can remember that if I approach every situation from the view point of unconditional love, then there is no room for anger. Do you realise how powerful that is?

So, next time you feel your ‘gander’ rising, become present and remember that you are the one who chooses how you feel and if you choose to react from that place within us that is unconditional love, then you can let the negativity go straight through you and have no effect  on you.

Just one last thing, if you know that you have reacted to negativity badly then put it right as soon as you can, don’t let it fester. Remember that resentment is very damaging. Lots on Resentment here.

If you find yourself experiencing the same negative things repeatedly have a look here.

Give yourself freedom to feel love and peace, it is yours for the taking.

Best wishes

Alastair

Resentment – any benefit?

Resentment

Something for nothing?

Time for another look at some of the things that getting a bug free mind can help with.

Those of you who know me will be aware that a while ago a friend of mine, Rebecca, was kind enough to introduce me to a set of books that have literally changed the way I see things in terms of how much control we have over our existence.

A Big Claim

That may sound like a big claim and it is, it also happens to be true. Things changed for me that day and they are still changing now.

Change?

Some people are afraid of change and that can be something that holds them back big time! My thoughts on that are, be open minded and don’t judge, just observe. Remember, Judgment is weakness, observation is power.

Who is Andy Shaw?

The guy who wrote the books is called Andy Shaw and I have had the pleasure of spending some time with him face-to-face without any distractions, really getting to the bottom of this process and understanding how it works.

I am on my sixth read through of the first book of the series, Creating a Bug Free Mind, and, as Andy says, there are things that you read on later read throughs that you never heard the first, second or subsequent times through. That is how powerful your ego is at trying to hold you back.

What is your Ego and How do you relate to it?

One of the big things I have discovered going through this process is that your ego is actually trying to hold you back. You don’t necessarily know this at all right now and you may not even recognise that it could be an issue for you, just go with it for now and don’t judge.

Your ego can be that doubting voice your hear in your head whenever you think about doing something maybe slightly different to normal. Something that might actually be good for you but is just a bit different, or may be very different!

Anyway, if you want to find out more about the bug free mind process you can check this page out. Andy has various offers on from time to time for people who are interested in taking control of their lives and making a difference for themselves and their families and friends.

Back to the reason for this post…

Not sure where all that came from as I was really going to write about resentment today.

The other day I had the pleasure of talking to a friend who I met on one of the days that I spent with Andy Shaw. She is someone else who is becoming bug free. We were talking about the thought that it isn’t always an easy process, that is, unless you decide it is going to be. (That is something that you can learn, things don’t have to be hard or difficult in this life if you choose for them not to be. That’s a bit deep maybe, stick with it though, it will  pay dividends!)

I mentioned that I was on another read through and that I had just read chapter 12 again, ‘Now That’s Painful’, and that there is someone I know who could really do with understanding the point made in this chapter. This is someone who appears to have difficulties letting go of things. She is a very giving person and yet it appears thinks she has very little worth; she is the one who always remembers anniversaries and birthdays and things like that. This also doesn’t take into account all the time she gives to people and organisations that she supports.

“You must write about this…”

My friend encouraged my to write about this subject during our conversation. It has been lovely when people have let me know that the things that have been written here have helped them. The love that is flowing because of this website and the interactions on it, and because of it, is wonderful. To know that together we are helping is all that matters really. That after all, is why I do this, to help people.

Pain?

Andy asks the question, do you think you are adding to your pain? He then asks how we answered. He takes us through how living in the present while choosing to understand how our life is created by us or our ego (consciously or unconsciously) and how this effects things for us. This, if we choose to understand it, is something that we can control.

What is the point in talking about resentment?

The point I would like to get across here is that resentment is one of those things, like fear and worry, that we have a choice about and it can greatly benefit us if we learn to let go of it.

After all, what is the benefit of hanging on to resentment? It only perpetuates the pain, where is the benefit in that?

Second point – a new one on me!

Now, the second point is this, and I have only just understood this for myself.

There are two ways we can ‘deal’ with resentment, firstly we can push it away. That is hide it, put it in a box somewhere in our mind and lock the box and pretend it isn’t there.

What we don’t know is that its presence is still being felt by us even if we don’t think it can be, now that we have locked it away. It continues to burrow away even if we don’t realise it. And this may be something that you recognise – suddenly the old resentment escapes from the box and it is there, full on again, creating pain in our lives.

Yes, I realised this time through that I did indeed have resentment that I had hidden, now for the powerful bit…

Powerful bit!

The second way we can deal with resentment is, knowing that it has no benefit for us, look at is closely and shine the light of understanding on it. It will then dissolve itself.

Once it has dissolved it is gone forever, it cannot return.

First time?

If you have never done this before it may seem strange and you might think it will be difficult. It doesn’t have to be.

Andy advises, and I concur, don’t fight it, just relax. Go with it slowly and see resentment for what it is, worthless. Start small if you need to and work up to the bigger resentments when you are ready. Starting small lets you practise and build up your emotional strength.

Realisation

Once you realise that things you resent are not as big as you thought they were, you will be able to move forward and let them go, after all they don’t hold any value for you.

I trust that this information has been useful and, if you are in need of dumping some resentment, then it will have helped.

Best wishes

Alastair

The Why Question

Why Oh Why Oh Why Do These Things Keep Happening To Me?

Do you find yourself asking yourself this sometimes, maybe more often than you really want to?

Can you see through the fog?

Can you see through the fog?

Maybe ‘Why’ isn’t really the right question…

Instead of asking yourself why, how about turning it around and asking ‘What am I going to choose?’

Instead of trying to figure out what is going on just STOP IT. Focus on where you desire to be, and let your dominant thought become your reality. There is only direction you should be looking and that is forwards. What is behind you is only there to benefit you if there is a lesson to learn from it. If you continuously dwell on the whys in this life the whys will just become a greater and greater part of your experience.

If you keep coming across the same why question all the time you have missed something somewhere and you haven’t learnt the lesson yet. Again, STOP, if you had learnt the lesson you wouldn’t be getting the same why questions all the time.

Stop and listen to your feelings to see where to turn, take the turn, learn from the past but don’t let it control you, it is just the past.

I am not sure why I had to write this today but I have just had a great weekend and I know that won’t have been the case for everyone, if this is for you, or someone you know, then you will know who you are.

Best wishes

Alastair

 

What is a Dimple Day?

A month goes by…

Well, how did that happen, a month went by and I didn’t get on here and share anything.

The one reason that mainly explains this is that my business is booming, all part of the plan of course so that’s good.

Back to the subject…

A Dimple Day

We have a sign that Julie bought for me that hangs in our kitchen, it says.

Today is a goodToday is a good day day

It is one of those hanging signs with a word on each of the metal plates that make it up.

Our youngest son sometimes has been known to be grumpy in the mornings about having to have breakfast and get ready for school and the usual things boys get grumpy about.

I decided one morning that I was going to help him understand that he didn’t have to feel like that if he didn’t want to.

So, I turned the saying, Today is a good day, into Today is a dimple day for a joke. It really worked!

Now, to explain that, Julie and I have dimples, I think it’s genetic therefore, so do our sons.

In thinking about how you would know whether it is a good day or not you could measure that by how much you smile.

Well, when we smile in this house dimples appear!

Therefore if Today is a dimple day, guess what, we are smiling and life is good.

Remember, smile at least five times a day for no reason, it really does lift your mood.

Pass this on if you agree!

Best wishes

Alastair